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I'm wondering if someone here can assist me. Mainly my mother and bro advise (constantly) that I "get to meet new people", "go out", and "build my network" (well my brother says the last thing, Mom says all of them).

However, not only do I find these phrases vague but they never seem promising. I'll do something for my benefit if it's very likely I'll profit from it. Going out and building relations with people just in the hope of getting a job through them, if that's what it is my mother/bro want me to do, I not only find very demotivating but know I'd quit very fast doing if I don't get results quickly, since I find it extremely boring and would rather spend that free time doing something entertaining.

Apparently with this, you first have to build new relationships (which I find no interest in doing...and takes some time with each person. Not that I dislike people, but if getting to know someone isn't benefiting me in any way, then it's pointless. It doesn't bring me pleasure simply knowing that everyone in the world knows me). The relations also have to turn out well. Then you have to get the person to be willing to recommend or go out his/her way to make you seem like a better applicant to the employer they work (and that you wish to work) for. He/She must also remember to do this and not be lazy and keep forgetting, not to mention they must show they care about it and not seem they're just doing "that thing you wanted" otherwise the employer will simply go wtf? What was that about?

And In the end of course, it is also up to the employer to decide if such a recommendation is even helpful and making a difference.

I'll say this though. To someone like my bro who finds pleasure in doing something like this (testament to this is that he's still spending time with groups of people, mainly Muslims, doing outdoor activities and even traveling abroad, DESPITE that he's already got that good "permanent" job for about a year now. Thus of course, it is easy for someone like him to tell someone this. Mom, well she never did anything she's telling me to do so I don't know what her deal is).

By the way no, I'm not just a home person. I go out more often than otherwise. I'm a full-time student in the Fall and Spring (mainly in-person classes), and in the Summer I do a job/internship. Winter Break is the only time (1 month and 10 days) in the year I choose to just chill out.

I'm just not seeing how "going out and meeting people" is promising any better chance at getting a job of my stature than simply building my resume, job searching, doing internships/getting work experience, having good references, and becoming a good interviewee.

Building my network online-wise, well that I don't have a problem with at all. It's just that they (family members) don't have faith in this and would probably think I'm saying this just to get by. In the end, I'm choosing my life so whatever.

I'd appreciate some input still.
 
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TrainableMan

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It's good for people that like people ... you don't so it would be a challenge/chore and you would have to force yourself as it would be fake just to get a job. My personal view, based on the weird topics you bring up on a W7 forum, it will be an uphill struggle for you because you come across a bit "unusual". Your best chance, other nerds and maybe some people from your church. Alcohol might help, but as a Muslim that's probably out.
 

Nibiru2012

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This is not really the place for the advice you're seeking to be honest with you.

Sounds like you have some issues to deal with personally. You're definitely not a "people person" that's for sure!

Believe or not, networking with other people is a skill that must be honed for it to be effective.
 
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Thanks for the kind input. I'm weird? Look what category this forum is. It's not weird for a "W7" forum because not every section is just about Windows 7. Any off-topic category on any forum is the same, off-topic (random discussions), whether it's Windows 7 or Food Network.

And I'm not a Muslim. According to my post my brother is.
 

TrainableMan

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I personally find it "weird" / "somewhat unusual" to go to a computer forum and bring up topics like taxes and networking with people. For the most part I was trying to be humorous but, admittedly, at your expense.

It is most common for everyone in a family to be of the same faith so I, apparently incorrectly in your case, figured you were Muslim as well.
 

Nibiru2012

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The university or college you're attending has the personnel that would be able to help with the issues you're having. Plus it's FREE! That's right... your and the state you live in taxes at work for you.

Take advantage of those services.
 
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-Edited from what this was originally- Tbh, I'd rethink over what's weird if you think talking about networking with people on a computer forum is odd. By comical I hope you mean you were kidding with that statement.

It is most common for everyone in a family to be of the same faith so I, apparently incorrectly in your case, figured you were Muslim as well.
It's also common most believers are blind-followers. They decide not to believe in their own research (they even not do any; there's no need to when you follow blindly) and just follow suit what they see of their family and peers, or better yet, a religion's majority sect.
 
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Mychael

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I'm going to regret buying into this conversation but anyway.
There are many valid reasons for working on getting to know people and if the only reason you see a point in doing so is if it "benefits" you then imho your destined for a life of disatisfaction.
People in general try to work at getting to know one another for the benefit of developing interpersonal skills, seeing other viewpoints etc... If they perceive that the only reason you'd get to know them is for some personal gain then you wont get nor will you ever develop anything meaningfull.
Now you may choose to be a loner and just not need human contact much and that's fine but to only see other people as for what you can get out of them is shallow.
 
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You just said it yourself - developing interpersonal skills and being interested in how others see things. That's not benefiting?

I didn't say getting things out of people - didn't mean it like that. I'm not selfish and even go out of my way sometimes to help out people. I have good relations with people actually, IRL and online.

My point in this topic was when it comes to getting a job (a decent one) I don't see how building your credentials, having good work/internship experience, good references, doing thorough job searches and being a good interview isn't enough. I could spend the time (which I imagine would be lengthy) building new relations with many people, instead getting certificates or adding more work experience and references. I don't have zero connections, but I'm not a complete fan of buildings new ones like say on my free time, but I'm willing to get to know someone every now and then, like from work, school, or wherever I may be.

Nonetheless your input was helpful.
 
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TrainableMan

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You can find whatever you want to be weird. At the end of the day, I posted in the correct section and trolled instead of actually helping out or even just saying you couldn't be of assistance. I've asked a question about my water heater some weeks ago. I didn't get any "LOL UR WEIRD" responses and instead got helpful input.

To the second person (right above me) Or I could just ask on a forum. Beats having to drive up somewhere and scheduling an appointment just to ask something someone may even not know.
I thought your original post helped make my point about your subjects being a bit unusual for a computer forum. But since you want constructive opinions rather than to be the butt of a joke I will offer a little of my experience as another "weird" person.

Your parents want you to develop interpersonal skills. For some of us it is a chore and we never get good at it but we do improve a little. Writing your responses down on a forum can help because you have a chance to actually reread your thoughts before you hit submit rather than the first thing you think reaching others ears. The problem is, what we see as logical, others often take as argumentative and so we never quite fit in.

If you ever care about people it will only be a few or at a distance, more as a concept like "I want to help people as a whole but I don't much like being around them". Perhaps I joke because you are much like me 25 years ago though I don't recall my parents really telling me to get out there as yours did. They may be right, as it does develop with time; so maybe if you start younger you'll eventually not find it a chore.

... or maybe that's just me.

Have a wonderful day.
 

clifford_cooley

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I think I will stay out of this thread. I am only stepping in to say I am probably one of the worst, when it come to associating with others. I have a knack for fixing things and helping people but when it comes to small talk, I could really care less.
 
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@ TrainableMan: It's a good idea to check and respond to a post updated within the past 2 hours. That hasn't been what the post said for a pretty long while, and no, the last edit was just your included quote and the response below it.

@ clifford_cooley: Thanks for the input.
 

TrainableMan

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@ TrainableMan: It's a good idea to check and respond to a post updated within the past 2 hours. That hasn't been what the post said for a pretty long while
I'm well aware you changed it but the original was in fact submitted and showed up in my email box. It goes along with the problems we face with interpersonal skills in a one on one situation. It is so hard to change something once it's "out there" and so though we may be intelligent, nerds often lack what is called "common sense" when it comes to NOT saying everything on our mind. As the saying goes "common sense is far too uncommon".

and no, the last edit was just your included quote and the response below it.
and no to what? I didn't ask a question. I don't understand this.

...

Not knowing that this conversation is a bit "out there" for a technical forum is part of those interpersonal skills you need to hone. As is a discussion on taxes and your water heater. We may respond and try to help but in the back of our minds we are still saying, there is something odd/different about this guy. Being different isn't always a bad thing but sometimes people don't accept you because you are different and that is a fact of life too. You have to figure out how different you want to be and how much you want to be accepted - this is all interpersonal skills.
 
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TrainableMan

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I am probably one of the worst, when it come to associating with others. I have a knack for fixing things and helping people but when it comes to small talk, I could really care less.
We're Nerds, most of us are like that. We think technical and the pleasantries like saying "how are you?" fill us more with fear that they will respond with something more than "fine, and you?" than with the well wishes for their health and well being that it is meant to convey. But guess what, I think it's that way for most any guy (I'm not so sure about women). Just respond to somebody's "how are you?" with "oh, have you got a minute, let me just tell you ..." and just look at their face. Sometimes it's fun to do just to mess with their mind ... of course they will walk away saying to themselves "He's weird!".
 

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