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The official joke thread

 
 
Nibiru2012 Nibiru2012 is offline
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      09-30-2011
Quote:
Originally Posted by bassfisher6522 View Post
That's just good TV right there, I don't care who you are.....
AMEN Brother! Amen! LOL!
 
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Richardi8i Richardi8i is offline
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      12-01-2011
Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the
street and pass a flower shop where the redhead happens to
see her boyfriend buying flowers.

She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me
flowers again."

The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the
big deal, don't you like getting flowers?"

The red head says, "Oh sure, but he always has expectations
after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending
the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
 
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TrainableMan TrainableMan is offline
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      02-06-2012
This is true, I only wish I had a camera phone so I could have posted the picture ...

I went into the restroom at our local Sears today and one of the urinals is covered in plastic and there is a computer printed sign taped to it that says "Please use the hand dryer".

Needless to say I just used one of the other two urinals. And then to avoid electrocution I just dried my hands on my pants ... in case the previous patron actually "watered on" the electric hand dryer

Last edited by TrainableMan; 02-06-2012 at 04:25 AM..
 
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brkkab123 brkkab123 is offline
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iamkenIT iamkenIT is offline
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      05-03-2012
I feel lazier than the guy who drew the Japanese flag.
 
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Core Core is offline
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      06-07-2012
I just get a kick out of it.
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JMH JMH is offline
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      06-09-2012
Reasons Chocolate is Better than Sex

* Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.

* If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.

* You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.

* With chocolate size doesn't matter.

{K /J}
 
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zigzag3143 zigzag3143 is offline
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      07-09-2012
Ten more really, REALLY, REALLY bad jokes. You've been warned again!

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.

What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?
Dam!

Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the dog.

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.

What did the fisherman say to the card magician?
Pick a cod, any cod!

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breathe, you idiot! BREATHE!

What's a frog's favorite drink?
Croak-a-Cola.

What did the rude prism say to the light beam that smacked into him?
Get bent!

Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was in tents.

And a bonus for those who have made it this far . . .

A ten-year-old kid from New York City went to his grandpa's farm for the weekend. He tagged along as grandpa did what had to be done around the place, taking it all in because everything was a new experience for him.

Then grandpa came across a cow having trouble calving. He didn't know how the whole process would be taken in by the ten-year-old, but he had no option but to get on with the job of assisting with the birth.

When the calf had been 'pulled' and the cow was happily cleaning it up, grandpa asked the boy if he had any questions about what he had just seen.

At first the city kid seemed overwhelmed by the experience, but he finally asked, "Just how freakin' fast was that calf going when it hit the cow's butt?"

Courtesy of Lee.


Team ZigZag
 
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Core Core is offline
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      09-29-2012
Here's a good one
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